Dragged Kicking and Screaming
by Admiral T. DeVanto
Summary: "The most popular version involves Erwin. They say he dragged him to the Scouts kicking and screaming!" Now, of course Eren's mind is going to conjure up all sorts of different scenarios that brought Captain Levi to the Scouts.


" _Folks talk, but who knows what really brought him here, right? The most popular version involves Erwin. They say he dragged him to the Scouts kicking and screaming!"_

Petra's words came back to Eren, and he could not help but glance at the captain with a frown. He quickly looked away, not wishing to be caught staring, though that did not ease his curiosity. Captian Levi had placed himself at the table just close enough to be a part of the conversations going on, but far enough so that he didn't have to be a part of any pointless chatter.

Everything about Levi seemed to be strategic. Eren, during his time among the captain's squad, had learned quite a bit about the short man. While what he had told Petra about being put off by the seriousness surrounding the captain was true, there were many other things he hadn't been expecting when it came to Levi.

His frown deepened as his thoughts ran. Was what Petra said really true? Had Levi really been a rogue in the Black Market? His gaze flickered once more back to the captain, who was calmly sipping his black tea, his grey eyes observing everyone with bored interest.

Eren had learned plenty of things just by being around Levi. He had learned that Levi could be short tempered when pushed, he had a sharp tongue, and he was a neat freak who enjoyed bitter black tea.

Eren shifted in his seat, his gaze going back to Petra who laughed at something Eld had said. It was then that Levi's gaze flickered over to his squadmates, listening to what they were discussing.

Eren's eyes narrowed as he analyzed the captain. How did Levi get recruited in the first place to join the Survey Corps? Did the Commander have anything to do with it as Petra had said? If so, what had Levi done to catch the Commander's attention? From the way Petra had said it, it had sounded as if Erwin wanted to recruit Levi, while Levi himself was against the whole ordeal in the first place.

Was he some sort of cutthroat criminal? An assassin? Bounty hunter?

Eren's thoughts became jumbled and he found himself blinking in confusion. He propped his elbow on the table, a small frown on his face. He absently traced the small lines in the table, staring at nothing as the sounds around him became muddled and the noise of his thoughts took over.

" _You can't make me! Put me down! I will not do it!" Levi screamed, struggling as Erwin dragged him by the shirt._

 _Erwin grunted as he dragged the smaller man across the courtyard. "You will do as I say," he said simply._

" _You can't tell me what to do," Levi spat. "I don't take orders from the likes of you."_

" _That will all change soon enough," Erwin promised as he continued to drag a struggling Levi._

" _How dare you drag me through the dirt!" Levi screamed. "Do you know how long it will take me to clean this shirt?" He let out a gasp. "YOU MADE ME TEAR MY VEST! Listen Bushy Brows, that better have been mud and not horse dung you just dragged me through, or you are a DEAD MAN!"_

" _Oh pipe down!" Erwin yelled, trying to maintain a hold on Levi. He grunted, pausing in his steps for a brief moment to turn and gain a firmer grip on Levi's arms._

 _It was in that moment that Levi turned sharply and bit his captors hand, causing Erwin to let out a yell and loosen his hold on Levi. It was enough, as Levi took advantage of Erwin's surprise and leapt to his feet and started to run._

 _Erwin swore, still holding his bleeding hand as he ran after Levi. His longer strides soon caught up to Levi as he tackled him to the ground. Levi let out a yelp as the blond man barreled into him, sending him crashing to the ground. Both men grunted as they fell, Levi taking the brunt of it all as Erwin landed on top of him._

" _Get...off," Levi gasped as he struggled. "Of...me!"_

" _Not just yet," Erwin said, standing up while still holding Levi. He flung the shorter man over his shoulder, carrying him like one would carry a sack of potatoes. That did not sit well with Levi, who began kicking his feet and pounding on Erwin's back._

" _But me down! This is undignified!"_

 _Erwin snorted, unphased by the painful beating his back was receiving. "It's your own fault. You refused to walk like a grown man and instead decided to throw a tantrum like an overgrown child."_

" _You're getting blood all over my shirt!" Levi shrieked. "That is disgusting!"_

" _You were the one who bit my hand," Erwin reminded him._

" _Yeah, and it was probably filthy," Levi grouched. "Filled with germs and dirt that my mouth touched." He spat at the ground in disgust, shuddering at the mental image of all the things Erwin had touched with those hands that were now in Levi's mouth._

 _Erwin frowned, insulted. "I'll have you know that I wash my hands. They are probably the cleanest hands you will ever find."_

" _I doubt that," Levi grumbled. He huffed and folded his arms, pouting. "I don't want to go the the Survey Corps," he muttered._

" _It's for your own good," Erwin said._

" _My own good?!" Levi exclaimed. "How is it for my own good? The odds of surviving an encounter with a Titan are slim to none! I was much safer as a rogue."_

" _And living on the Black Market was better?" Erwin asked, raising an eyebrow, though Levi could not see the expression._

" _At least my enemies were my size!" Levi exclaimed._

" _I doubt that, as most of humanity is taller than you," he said with a smirk._

 _Levi let out an outraged cry at the verbal jab to his height, once more kicking his feet and squirming. The rest of the walk was filled with the occasional shouts, screaming and curses coming from the man Erwin was carrying over his shoulder. The odd stares they received was numerous, yet Erwin paid them no heed._

" _This is a very nice fabric," Levi commented after a while, observing Erwin's cape as he was being carried. "Is it wool?" he asked._

" _Yes," came the blunt, bored answer._

 _Levi hummed, fully interested in the green material like a child with a toy. He sniffed it, quirking his eyebrow in fascination. "I am unfamiliar with this smell. What kind of soap do you use to wash it?"_

 _Erwin frowned in confusion. "Detergent."_

 _Levi hummed, craning his neck. "And the pants? Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against them. They are really clean and pristine. But why white? Won't it stain with all the blood and dirt going around?" He smirked. "You must not see a lot of action if your pants are that white."_

" _I use bleach to keep them up to code," Erwin answered._

 _Levi frowned. "Bleach?"_

" _It's a cleaning substance that gets the stains out of almost anything."_

 _Levi's eyes widened, and if possible, he seemed to glow with pure happiness and wonder. "A soap that gets rid of stains that easily? Show me such a miracle!" He went back to examining Erwin's cape. "This is very fascinating," he murmured._

" _Are you done gawking at my clothes?" Erwin snapped, finally reaching his office and getting ready to open the door. His only response was an interested hum from Levi, and Erwin could feel Levi touching the cape. Erwin could not wait to get this man in his office. The sudden interest Levi was expressing in his clothes was really starting to creep him out._

" _Erwin!" a sudden voice shouted, and the commander turned sharply to greet Hanji. But the sudden, sharp movement caused Levi to smack his head into the door, earning a hiss of annoyance from Erwin's captive._

" _Is this the new recruit?" Hanji asked excitedly. "Wow, he must be a real handful for you to carry him like that." She blinked. "Huh, he's much smaller than I expected."_

" _Smaller?" Levi demanded, arching his back, only for him to smack once more into the wall._

 _Erwin shrugged, forgetting for a moment that Levi was still flung over his shoulder. Levi grunted as his head was slammed into the wall again._

" _Stop moving!" Levi growled, eyes narrowed. "That hurts!"_

 _Hanji beamed, walking around Erwin to get a look at Levi who was hanging upside down. "Really?" she asked, getting right up in his face as she knelt down. "Describe it to me! How tall are you really?" She grinned. "Don't worry, we'll have plenty of time to get acquainted. I want to know everything, and I mean everything, about you. I want to know what makes you so special!"_

 _Levi blanched at the crazy scientist lady's sudden close proximity. At that moment, fight or flight instinct took over as he stared into those crazy eyes, and Levi scrambled out of Erwin's hold and tried to bolt. He did not get far as Mike had arrived at the scene and tripped Levi, sending the shorter man sprawling to the ground._

" _Great timing Mike!" Hanji said as Mike placed a firm foot on Levi's back to prevent him from moving. "Sniffed us out, right?"_

" _I could smell his fear," Mike stated to Hanji's response._

" _Get your filthy boot off of my back!" Levi growled in annoyance._

" _You know, personally," Mike said calmly as he stared down at the groaning man. "I think nothing instills discipline like pain." Mike's eyes narrowed. "You don't need a good talking to. What you're in need of is to be taught a lesson." He smirked. "You happen to be in perfect kicking position."_

 _With that, everything went black for Levi as Mike delivered a swift kick to Levi's head._

 _The next thing he felt was a throbbing pain in his head, along with chattering voices that filled the room as he awoke._

" _Did you have to kick him that hard?" a voice demanded. Levi could faintly recall that it sounded much like Bushy Brows speaking._

" _Well, he was in perfect kicking position," came the response. It was from that other tall, blond man who had tripped him, Sniffy. It was in that moment that Levi decided that he hated tall people at that point._

" _Well, it sounds like he's up," a female voice said. Ah, the four eyed one with her hideous glasses. The one with the creepy expression and no regards to personal space._

 _Levi raised his head to glare at them all. Bushy Brows was sitting at his desk, while Four-Eyes was sitting on the desk with her legs crossed, smiling widely. Sniffy was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, glaring at Levi from the shadows._

 _Erwin inclined his blond head, gesturing to a steaming teapot. "Tea?" he offered._

 _Levi wanted to decline, but his throat was parched, so he just nodded numbly. Erwin poured the tea, offering it to Levi who took it with a scowl. However, the minute he tasted the tea, his eyes widened. He stared at the liquid in awe, cocking his head in utter fascination._

" _As I said before," Erwin said calmly. "I would like for you to join the Survey Corps. Lend us your skills and strengths. Aid humanity and strive to build a future for the people."_

" _It's not like you have much of a choice in the matter," Hanji went on. "Sending you back to the scum that we dragged you out of wouldn't do you any good. You'd-"_

" _What is this called?" Levi interrupted._

 _Hanji and Erwin both blinked. "Eh, what?" she asked._

 _Levi gestured to the tea. "This," he stated. "What is this tea called?"_

 _Erwin blinked once more. "I believe it is called Black Tea."_

" _Got anymore?" Levi asked, leaning back in his chair with a casual grace._

" _Uh, well," Hanji stuttered. "We've got plenty of Black Tea, but we have other kinds of tea as well-"_

" _No other tea," Levi stated. "Just this one." He looked up at Erwin. "Fine, I'll join your Survey Corps on two conditions: you supply me with Black Tea, and you give me some of the whitner chemical stuff-"_

" _Bleach?" Erwin asked in confusion._

" _Yeah, that," Levi said. "You give me that, along with your advanced cleaning supplies, and I'll join." He sipped his tea. "I can also guarantee you that I will make everyone's life miserable as I clean this place top to bottom."_

 _A moment of silence reigned for all of them, Hanjis and Erwin's faces a mixture of shock while Mike looked indifferent. Levi just calmly sipped his tea, the beverage that sealed the deal for him._

" _You mean to tell me," Erwin asked, head in his hands as his shoulders shook. "That we could have avoided this childish tantrum and embarrassing display of you kicking and screaming if I had just given you some Black Tea and Bleach from the start?"_

 _Levi shrugged. "Well, I wouldn't put it that way. But basically, yeah."_

"Oi, brat," a sudden and familiar voice demanded, snapping Eren out if his thoughts. "What are you giggling about?"

Eren's head snapped up to look at Levi and the rest of the squad who were all staring at him. Conversations had ceased as everyone regarded the youngest member of their squad.

"I...I" Eren stammered, frozen as he stared at Levi who seemed to glare into his very soul. "I wasn't giggling!" he protested.

"You were," Petra said with a smile. "You were giggling and smirking."

"It was kind of freaky," Eld commented.

"So, share with us what had you in such good spirits!" Gunther demanded, scooting his chair closer and leaning in with interest. "What were you thinking about?"

Oh, Eren had no doubt that Levi's entire squad would find his thoughts on the captain hilarious, but the question was whether or not he would survive long enough to tell them before Levi beat him to a pulp.

He was still staring at Levi as the captain calmly took a sip of his tea, gaze never leaving Eren.

His tea, Black Tea to be precise.

Eren could not help the amused snort that escaped his mouth, and he covered his mouth quickly with wide, terrified eyes. Levi's eyes narrowed as he stared at Eren. "What?" the captain asked.

Eren tried to shake the feeling of scrutiny off. There was no way, he thought to himself, that Levi knew what he had been thinking. There was no way. He was Humanity's Strongest Soldier, not a mind reader. Yet, from the way Levi was now glaring at him, Eren could not help but feel as if the captain knew every single thought that had crossed Eren's mind.

"I...uh," Eren muttered, stumbling from his seat and scrambling to get away. "I have to clean the windows!"

"But we just did those!" Gunther exclaimed, watching the boy in confusion.

"I need to do them again!" Eren shouted as he ran, feeling Levi's stare on his back. "I think I missed a spot!"

"Missed a…" Gunther blinked in surprise. "But Eren! You didn't do the windows!"

"Let him go," Levi said calmly as he got up with his now empty tea cup. "It's about time the kid learned how to properly clean and take further responsibility for his lamentable skills."

Once Levi was gone from the room, Eld groaned, banging his head on the table. "We already have one obsessive neat freak. We don't need two!"

"Humanity's Strongest and Humanity's Hope; neat freaks," Petra mused thoughtfully with a smile.

"If we don't do something soon, we'll have a mini Levi on our hands," Gunther stated.

Oluo's eyes widened as he frantically pushed his chair back. "We cannot let that happen!"

"I think it would be cute!" Petra exclaimed, chasing after Oluo who had gone in search of Eren in the hops of putting a stop to a reborn, younger Levi.

"What would be cute?" Levi demanded as he re-entered the room with a freshly brewed cup of tea.

Eld and Gunther both froze, eyes flickering over to each other. "Um, you know what?" Eld said, pushing his chair back and ignoring his captain's inquisitive stare. "I think I'll help Eren with cleaning the halls."

"Windows," Gunther corrected.

"Windows!" Eld exclaimed, nodding frantically. "Yeah, that's it!" With that, he dashed out of the room with Gunther hot on his heels, leaving Levi to watch the two of them as he sipped his tea calmly.


End file.
